like obviously it’s huge and it took up the better part of my brain for like four months
but more than that i think it’s the most personal and important thing i’ve ever written. may ever write? like. i don’t think my ma thesis, which was about my actual life, was even that personal since it was so framed and contained by theory. so much of what i feel about bodies and friendship and “recovery” and queerness and growing up got poured into this. it’s difficult to express without it sounding ridiculous. the working subtitle for this thing was “the authors have issues” because we realized a third of the way through that we were kind of…hugely projecting and working through some shit. both of us.
part of this is sane, part of it will always be sane. I look at it and have trouble remembering who wrote what—and I have an incredible and exacting memory for text. it’s a testament to how profoundly we get each other, I think. I don’t think I could have entrusted this much to another person. And I sure as hell couldn’t have done it alone. This is the fucking jaeger piloting of fanfic writing.
and like, yeah, it’s dumb sexy fanfic about a band, i’ll be first in line to tell you that. i’m not trying to make it more than it is. but i’m also not trying to make it less than it is either. sometimes trivial bullshit the only way to work your shit out.
seeing people’s reactions has been so gratifying, and I’m so glad it’s been well received and understood among friends. Part of me wants the zillion kudos/comments/status as fandom classic, of course I do. but it’s an incredibly small part. A surprisingly small part. I’m honestly just so pleased and proud to have done it. I told the story I wanted to tell. We told the story we wanted to tell.
So yeah, proud. but a little sad too, to let it go. not because it’s incomplete but because it isn’t.
patrick and pete stopped the concert in the middle of thnks fr th mmrs bc someone was getting overheated and they wanted to make sure people made room for them. and then they told us all to remember to drink water and take care of ourselves and that “we’re all together so we have to help each other back up when we fall down”
Title: at some point it becomes true Authors:whatimages and sceptick Band(s): Fall Out Boy Pairing(s): Pete/Patrick Word Count: 53,426 Rating: NC-17 Warning(s): No mandatory warnings apply. Minor, semi-spoilery warnings are included in the notes on AO3. Summary:
@petewentz— reminder: you don’t always have to be what the world tells you that you are
sorry i just need to be emotions about this for a sec
pete wentz has been psychiatrized and so much of the narrative of mental/health illness is about GETTING BETTER; it gets better, you get more normal, you can make yourself more normal if you just do what we say. it’s awful and violent and totally ignores the way emotional distress is produced by structural violence I LITERALLY JUST GAVE A PAPER ON THIS OK
and for a very famous very public person with a mainstream voice and lots of social capital to get up and say, it actually doesn’t necessarily get better and that’s okay is fucking huge. like you can continue to survive and resist and flourish without being normalized, that your perspective is valuable and it matters and what you feel matters. the way in which it’s never getting any better than this becomes not defeat but joyful resistance.
and it’s couched in terms of saving rock and roll, of playing music, but that’s not just what it’s about. saving rock and roll is about changing the meaning of what it is to be saved and safe; that it is something you create within yourself and the people you love. you are what you love, not who loves you.
it’s crucial, it’s fucking crucial.
HI OK this post has been getting some traction and i just wanted to say i fucked up when originally posting it.
Pete Wentz has been psychiatrized and he is a man of colour; psychiatry has been deployed in really specific ways against racialized people, particularly Black people in the united states and canada. So that is part of the context Pete exists in and is responding to. I elided that under my remark about structural violence and I really shouldn’t have, I’m sorry.
I can provide more sources if anyone is interested!!